you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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