i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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