So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
