I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
