So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
