She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
