i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize