chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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