What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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