My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
