Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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