I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
