Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
being pregnant is like rehab
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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