i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
