I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
