i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize