dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
