I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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