I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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