Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
