i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
