I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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