All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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