if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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