Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
