i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let's paint friendship bongs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
