I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
