1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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