My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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