if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
