That's intense
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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