got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
