A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
