omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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