I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
