he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
