I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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