Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
