The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
