I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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