If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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