he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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