My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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