My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we made out on top of his cat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
