my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
