just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
