i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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