My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
