That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
