He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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