i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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