i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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