Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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