1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
