We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
