I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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