He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Houston, we have a blender
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
