Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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