i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
