the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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