you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
