If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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