Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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