Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.

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(917): View more from New York City

Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day

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(904): View more from Florida

Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada

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(402): View more from Nebraska

soo how bad was i last night?

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.

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(410): View more from Maryland

You threw up with your ski mask on still.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.

(908): View more from New Jersey

that's so insightful.

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