I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
