things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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