remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
