I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
