Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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