so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
